For this year I began a great Bible study with Autumn and AJ. We are going through Habitudes with the kids. If you haven't heard of them, look them up. It is a series of books on leadership by Tim Elmore. It is amazing in its simplicity and depth all at the same time. I am truly enjoying being on this journey with the kids this year.
Along with the Habitudes, I wanted to get some reading in with them this year. I chose a book called Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. It is a great read and I HIGHLY recommend it if you have or will have teenagers. It is all about rebelling against society's low expectations of the teen years. It is a challenge for teens, by teens, to not use these years as a vacation from responsibility. Very thought provoking. As a parent, I am learning that Jeff and I are guilty and we have fallen into the low expectation trap. We have let our kids get away with the minimum instead of expecting more. We are praying for the wisdom to change that.
But the blog title is Elephants and you have to be wondering why I chose that as a title. It has to do with the book we are reading. Elephants are still used in some countries to because of their immense strength and amazing intelligence. They even have days where they celebrate elephants and have a tug of war competition between one elephant and 100 men. The elephant wins every time. But to keep the elephant from running off, its handler ties him to a small post with just a piece of string tied to the right hind leg. That's it. So why doesn't the elephant just break free? Well when he was a baby elephant he was tied to a tree with a shackle fastened to the right hind leg. That shackle cut into his leg every time he tried to pull away. After a period of time, he stopped struggling and the handler replaced the tree and shackle with a post and string.
The writers, Alex and Brett, used that as an example of teens being hampered by the low expectations of society. They are immensely strong and extremely intelligent but they are shackled to the teen stereotype and don't even know it.
As a parent it made me think about the mother elephant watching her baby being taken to the same tree she was shackled to as a baby. I can imagine her calling to the baby, "Now don't struggle too much because that thing will cut into your leg. Just stay as still as possible. I made the mistake of struggling and I got hurt. Don't you do that. Just listen to me and I can save you the pain."
The baby elephant, who was probably listening to another baby elephant or thinking about the amazing dumbo hat he wanted from Abertrunkie and Spit, didn't hear what his mother said. When he was shackled to the tree, he pulled and pulled and pulled trying to free himself. And eventually the shackle cut into his leg and he learned that if he didn't pull, the pain didn't come.
So he went home to Mom elephant and complained about how the mean old handler hurt him. Mom shakes her head and trumpets how if he had just listened to her, he wouldn't have been in such pain. And for the life of the baby elephant, he can't remember Mom saying not to pull.
Now Dad elephant steps in to remind Mom that sometimes, Baby has to learn for himself. And then he stomps on Baby to make him tougher and Baby laughs and comes back for more. Mom elephant winces at the rough play and turns to go eat her hay frustrated that her mom never told her how hard it was to raise kids.
My point... we all have an important role to play in the lives of our baby elephants. Mom it's natural to try to keep our kids from repeating our mistakes, but they will either repeat yours or make their own. It's part of the process. If we protect them from everything, they will fail when it is time to launch. And it's natural for dads to play the tougher role. God designed us to nurture and love. I think He designed dads to make kids tough so they can face what's out there.
Play your role diligently and with love. Make it a great week!
